Some people love an Office Depot. Give them an array of different colored highlighters and a FiloFax and they’re in hog heaven. Throw in some sticky notes shaped like arrows and a multipack of binder clips and that’s a Saturday night. While for other people the very idea of getting organized sounds like a punishment, one where they must execute an endless and pointless To Do list that might satisfy some lurking, fantastical life coach but will benefit the doer of said To’s, not at all.
If you fall into the latter category, then you probably have experienced trying to do executive functioning NOT your way. And if you are an avid and delighted To Doer, you may have found yourself bewildered and frustrated when trying to help a child, spouse, other family member, or co-worker who is not.
Why don’t they write it down? Why did I just find your passport in the stack of mail you didn’t open from 2023? You may have a three-story diorama illustrating our interconnecting branches of government that you haven’t started due to tomorrow?!
If you or someone you care for is in the executive functioning, schmunecutive shunctioning camp, I’d like to offer two approaches that may make things easier.
- Be suspicious of a system.
- Engage in the cost benefit analysis.
Both of these approaches are based on the idea that you need not concern yourself with the right way to do it, but rather look for the way that works for you well enough. But why not do it the best way? Well, if you happen to end up doing it the best way that would be fine, but best case scenario you won’t even know that it is the best way because you haven’t bothered yourself with trying to figure out what the best way is.
When it comes to executive function, the name of the game (originally popularized by Herbert A. Simon back in the 1950s) is satisfice.1 To satisfice, you choose the first thing that meets your requirements, needs, or goals, rather than searching (sometimes endlessly) for the optimal solution, because who cares if you are doing it the best way or not, if it is working for you? That marginal benefit that might be available with a more perfect choice really isn’t going to do much for you because your needs are already met. Additionally, it can be a quick hop, skip, and a jump from thinking we should do it the best way to thinking we should do it the right way. (And then we are really shoulding on ourselves,2 which is definitely not fun! Or helpful.)
There are a legion of executive functioning programs out there in books, online content, Bed Bath and Beyond products, etc. Much of it is potentially useful, but much of it also may imply that there is a right way. And when you try to do a whole packaged system the right way, you can end up following the system for the system’s sake. You serve the system when the system should be serving you! If you are printing out copious forms, ticking a parade of boxes, finding your way into drop-down box after drop-down box in your software while your label machine has overheated from furious use, you may think, “To heck with this!” And I would support the banishment to heck with a lot of it! But maybe not all of it… What you might do instead is look at the program (the advice, the products, the research, etc.) and pick what will work for you!
Be Suspicious of a System
The following may sound trite but it is both actually true and important to recognize: you are a unique individual with your own very specific set of strengths and challenges, both internal and external. When someone offers an executive functioning product, whether it is information or a concrete product, well, first of all they want to sell you something. But they don’t want to just sell it to you, that would not result in much of a revenue stream if you were the only buyer! They need to sell it to lots of people, and so they must address people with a lot of different strengths and challenges. We can see how that can get really complicated, really fast.
Even something simple can have elements that will work for one person, but be an unnecessary stumbling block for another. For example, I often think of a client whose son had a challenge with handwriting. He became extremely frustrated writing the lowercase letter “n.” From his occupational therapist’s standpoint, it was important to learn how to modify the height of the little nub on the left side of the “n” so it didn’t look like a lower-case “h.” And I gather that it is regarded as better to start writing the “n” at the top so you get the little nub rather than dispensing with the nub and just write the “n” without the nub by starting it at the bottom line on the paper.
This student had deficits in proprioception, which made finding the correct spot to start the letter extremely difficult, and so he could never get the starting place correct, resulting in the nub being generally too long and making it look like an “h.” This led to a lot of erasing (which was also not precise, so too much of the “n” would be erased), and then frustration, and then emotional dysregulation, which was his primary challenge. So it was a big mess. In my view, better to write from the bottom line. First of all, this student could find the line to start the letter. Secondly, you could tell it was an “n” without the nub, so…. What am I missing here? The primary challenge for this kid was to learn to regulate himself, and part of that is avoiding, when possible, what he found very dysregulating. I would argue that the little nub on the side of the “n” was, for him, both dysregulating and avoidable. All this to say, you don’t have to do it exactly the best way. Modify, pick and choose, find a workaround or a hack, trim the fat. If you are doing things that feel pointless and like busy work, then you are well within your rights to ask, “What part of this is really necessary? How can I modify it so I get the benefit and lessen the cost?”
Engage in the Cost Benefit Analysis
First is the benefit! What can you do that will give you a substantively positive outcome. Focus on those things and let go of the rest. Knowing how to write an “n” in a way that is legible is a benefit, and one you may decide you really want. There is also a benefit in knowing how to write an “n” with the little nub, but that benefit may be one you can live without, particularly if the cost (emotional dysregulation) outweighs it.
When you look at your life, what benefits are you missing? What benefits would make a positive difference to you. It’s easy to see the benefit of being able to locate your passport when you need it, or turning in your assignments on time. What’s not always so obvious, especially for those in the “schmunecutive shunctioning” camp, is the cost. It may be that you don’t execute functionally in areas where you anticipate a big cost in doing so. So what is to be done? Well, you might start by surfacing the anticipated costs.
Costs can take many forms: emotional, mental, and energetic. They task your resources and can make even simple-seeming tasks feel like climbing a steep, rocky hill in flip-flops.
Here are some cost examples:
- It can be painful, difficult or frustrating to hold your attention on certain types of information. Either because the holding of your attention is challenging and may require some compassion for yourself if you stray and return, or because something in the thing you are concentrating on is upsetting.
- You may have anxiety around how much time it may take to do the task. You might tell yourself, “This is going to take FOREVER!” It is true you will have to pay the cost of the time it will take you, but you can also probably substitute a more palatable thought like, “I have the time I need to do this task and what I get out of doing it will benefit me,” to lessen the cost to you.
- You may (accurately or not so accurately) believe yourself to be bad at executive functioning tasks and nobody likes to do things they feel like they are bad at. What’s more, you may believe that you have to spend more time and effort than the average person and get a less valuable result, which can bring up feelings of unfairness and frustration.
- The benefit may be obscure to you and then you sense that it’s meaningless or unnecessary — making it all cost and no benefit.
- You may worry that you will fail or not meet the standard you expect for yourself, and then all the costs are sunk and you will have to face failure made even worse by your knowledge that you actually tried.
So now what? You are staring into the eyes of all these costs and it probably feels not great! It’s ok. You have options. You might pick one of the following three options
- I can lower the cost.
- If the benefit truly is outweighed by the cost, I don’t have to do it!
- If the cost is unadjustable but I want to weather the cost to get the benefit, I can engage strategies that will help me manage the cost.
And remember, you don’t have to ask, “What’s the best way?” or even “What should I do?” Instead, ask, “What can I do that gives me enough benefit to be worth the cost for me?” It doesn’t matter if you keep your passport in a filing cabinet, an old-timey suitcase fashionably displayed in the entryway, or in the pocket of the jacket you ALWAYS wear on the airplane, when you present your documentation to TSA you can have a little Sinatra twinkle in your eye ‘cause you’ll know, “I did it my way.”
Top Executive Functioning Tips
(Only use the ones that work for you!) 🎉
1. Break It Down 🪜
Big tasks can equal big costs if you feel overwhelmed by the amount of work involved and/or time it will take. Breaking the project down into sections and going one section at a time can lessen the experience of cost and up the benefit of feeling accomplishment with each section.
2. Hit That Buzzer ⏰
Some people love alerts. You can set ‘em on computers, phones, ovens, clocks, and even some refrigerators! They can be visual (you may have noticed Gmail alerting you that you haven’t replied to an email — you can turn that off in settings, btw!) or more commonly auditory. Some people like to program a different sound for each type of task. This can be a great auditory cue. It can also drive you (and sometimes your loved ones) nuts. If you overdo it, you may find you just ignore all the alerts or end up being alerted every day to do something you only need to do a couple of times a week. So use them your way, and it can be a great way to get the future activity off the brainpan without stressing about what you might forget.
3. Set That Date 🗓️
Make it visible and choose the calendar that works best for you! Use that calendar that is synced with your email and other work/personal related software. If you are not at the computer regularly enough for that to work, will it work for you on your phone? If not you may want an old fashioned calendar. Do you want one that will detail hour by hour and you like to concentrate on one day at a time? Or do you need to see the whole week (or month) at once visually and you are willing to sacrifice some space to detail per day.
4. Ditch the Busywork 🪂
Before diving in, ask: “Am I doing this because I’m supposed to, or because I want that anticipated benefit?”
5. Routines are Your Secret Weapon 🏅
Even small habits (putting keys in the same spot, checking your planner at the same time every day) reduce decision fatigue and free mental energy for more important things.
6. Time It Like a Boss ⏳
Set a timer. 10, 20, or 30 minutes of focused work can feel way less painful than “do it until it’s perfect.” Bonus: You are not going to do it FOREVER. You are going to do it for 10 minutes.
7. Ditch the Distractions 🚫
Lots of things come pre-programmed these days. And lots of content providers make it very easy to consume their content- when what you really want is to do that thing that gets you that benefit. So it may be worth taking the time to set your preferences on your computer and phone, making a place in reach but out of sight for all your documents (hard copy and digital), reduce background noise — identify your usual attention saboteurs and minimize them.
8. Celebrate Wins 🥳
Even small ones. Finished a step? Checked off a task? Pat yourself on the back. Positive reinforcement builds momentum and increases the benefit.
9. Don’t Should on Yourself 🙅♀️
Good enough is, guess what. Good! You’re good! Let go of the imaginary “right way” and focus on your way.
10. Ask for Help 🤝
Delegating, collaborating, or talking to someone who gets it can save you time, reduce stress, and help you grow. Learning anything new can often go from watching someone else do it. Doing it with them. Then doing it yourself.
1Simon, H. A. (1955). A behavioral model of rational choice. The Quarterly Journal of Economics, 69(1), 99–118. https://doi.org/10.2307/1884852
2Ellis, A. (1962). Reason and emotion in psychotherapy. Lyle Stuart.
