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Choosing a therapist can feel overwhelming. Beyond logistics like insurance, cost, availability, and specialization, many people find themselves asking a deeper question: Does identity matter when choosing a therapist?

When there is something you want or need to do, sometimes you are afraid to do it. Of course, you should not engage in unnecessarily risky behavior. But if you wisely assess that something is worth the risk, you may choose to act. And unfortunately, when you act, most likely you will still feel afraid. That’s where courage comes in.

Couples fight. It’s okay. It’s an unfortunate side effect of romance, and one that your favorite shows and movies love to glorify. What cinema fails to capture is the rough and rocky road to reparations and reconnection. Emphasis on reconnection here.

Finding a therapist can be just as daunting as the dating process. In fact, there are quite a few parallels in the journey to find a therapist and finding your person. Similarly, you’ll likely doom scroll through apps — or in this case, the horrendous insurance portal, which is most likely outdated — in an endless cycle of swipes (or scrolls).

It’s not uncommon to think that seeking couples counseling is admitting defeat — that if you aren’t figuring it out on your own, then you must not be right for one another or you have already collectively and/or individually failed love. I say, that’s good ol’ stinkin’ thinkin’ (the dreaded triple apostrophe!): by which I mean, a way of thinking that at once makes you feel bad and keeps you stuck in feeling bad.

Caring for a parent, or anyone with dementia, is a journey filled with love, challenges, and profound change. It’s a role that requires immense patience, flexibility, and the ability to set limits, along with the need to ask for help. If you are on this path, please know that you are not alone!