“What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist, or the dusky dusk? What makes the muskrat guard his musk? Courage!” — The Cowardly Lion
When there is something you want or need to do, sometimes you are afraid to do it. Of course, you should not engage in unnecessarily risky behavior. But if you wisely assess that something is worth the risk, you may choose to act. And unfortunately, when you act, most likely you will still feel afraid. That’s where courage comes in. Sometimes we think it will go like this, “I have courage! I am not afraid!” Sadly, this is probably wishful thinking. More likely it might go, “I have courage! I am so afraid!”
One of the most common myths about courage is that you need to feel confident before you act. This confuses courage with confidence. Confidence is nice work if you can get it, but it has nowhere near the humanity of courage. When you are confident, you do something and you know you will do well. Okay, good. It’s nice. When you have courage, you do something and you don’t know if you will do well at all, but you try anyway. Beautiful. Human. And perhaps it is so beautiful and so human that if it does not go well, you and your loved ones might be encouraged to extend yourself a little grace and compassion in the face of the fearful thing having come to visit. And if it does go well, oh the delight!
If you wait for the fear to disappear, you may be waiting for a really long time and you may feel stuck. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) emphasizes that acting in alignment with values despite uncomfortable emotions is a key predictor of well-being.1 Courage, in this sense, is not emotional certainty, but it is values-driven action. Fear doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. Often, it means you’re doing something meaningful.
In practice, courage may look like:
- Initiating a difficult conversation in as generous a way as possible, even when you fear that the other person will say hurtful things to you.
- Applying for a job while feeling self-doubt and fearing rejection.
- Saying “No,” while fearing criticism or blame.
To be courageous, you also most likely will need to be honest. Especially with yourself. Research from emotion-focused and cognitive-behavioral therapies suggests that emotional awareness is linked to better regulation, stronger relationships, and reduced anxiety and depression.2 But it’s not always so easy to notice or know how you feel, much less to hold that information in your heart without judging or suppressing it. To do this, it may take a little courage. In this way courage can be understood as emotional honesty. It may be scary to stand with your true self, because you might fear your truth being rejected or judged or shamed. In times like these, we might remember what Popeye had to say, “I yam what I yam and that’s all that I yam!” You are you, no matter what, even when you avoid or deny your feelings and yourself. Avoidance can masquerade as strength, but courage stands by your side through thick and thin.
In this way, courage may mean:
- Admitting you’re burned out instead of pushing through.
- Naming disappointment even though it hurts to acknowledge it.
- Acknowledging grief, uncertainty, or longing even when you fear judgement.
If fear has been running the show in your life, therapy can be a place to learn how to respond differently, not by eliminating fear (if only!), but by learning to allow fear to travel with you and your courage.
1Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and commitment therapy: The process and practice of mindful change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
2Greenberg, L. S. (2011). Emotion-focused therapy. American Psychological Association. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2010-13684-000
