Finding a therapist can be just as daunting as the dating process. In fact, there are quite a few parallels in the journey to find a therapist and finding your person. Similarly, you’ll likely doom scroll through apps — or in this case, the horrendous insurance portal, which is most likely outdated — in an endless cycle of swipes (or scrolls). Only this time, you’re not entirely sure what to look for.
You may want to start with searching for a therapist that specializes in treating what you’re coming to therapy for. If you’re not even quite sure what that is, it may be beneficial to first get really clear about what it is that you’re wanting to work on. This can be done through a journal session, or a quick list. Whatever it is, think deeply and be intentional. Once you’re super clear about what you want to do, you can start by getting on a directory for a therapist or looking through your insurance portal offerings. A few popular search engines include Psychology Today, Thriving Campus (for college students), Therapy for Black Girls, and Inclusive Therapists. For more options, check out our blog post 13 Therapist Directories You Should Know About in 2025. You can search by speciality, identity (such as LGBTQ+ or BIPOC), whether they offer in person or virtual services, and most importantly, if they are licensed in the state you are living in (some are open to long distance relationships, they just have to be licensed where you as the client reside).
It’s important to feel safe and comfortable with your therapist, so compatibility is imperative. It’s also important that you don’t confuse compatibility with the absence of challenges. There will absolutely be times you’re challenged and uncomfortable during session, which is why you want to assess that the person you’re going there with is a good fit.
If the therapist offers a free consultation, always take it. This is like a “coffee” date or a FaceTime call before a first date to catch the vibe. This gives you a preview of what it’ll be like in session with them, especially if you opt for a video consultation (which I selfishly highly recommend)! During this free consultation, you’ll want to ask questions around their areas of expertise, the frequency of meetings, whether or not they take insurance, their fee schedule, if they offer a sliding scale, and if they can provide a “superbill” (which is just a fancy way of saying insurance reimbursement receipt). For the more advanced therapy-goers, you might want to ask specific questions such as which modality a therapist might use, or if they have any specialized certificates for highly technical modalities. It’s likely you won’t know what exactly to look for regarding modality. But be sure to ask anyway! Again, this search can be a bit daunting and you may kiss a few frogs along the way, but once you find your match, the results can be absolutely life changing.
Here’s a small recap of the steps:
- Get really clear about what you’re looking to get out of therapy.
- Use a therapist directory like Psychology Today or Inclusive Therapists
to help narrow down your search. - Start searching for a therapist that specializes in that subject area.
- Do multiple free consultations with the prospective therapists!
- Ask questions, even the ones you may think are obvious.
- Don’t feel obligated to work with a therapist if you don’t feel like its a good match.
Happy searching!
