If you’ve navigated the dating scene, you’ve likely come across the concept of “ghosting,” either willingly or unwillingly. Ghosting is a colloquial term that refers to the abrupt ending of a relationship and subsequent contact with an individual you may have been romantically (or platonically) involved with. If you’ve experienced it yourself, you’re far from alone: nearly 3 in 5 U.S. adults say they’ve been ghosted while dating.1 Often, it comes without warning, leaving the ghosted person uncertain and without closure. For some, this experience can be incredibly hurtful and confusing. For others, it’s a part of the game.
People ghost for a variety of reasons. Sometimes there’s a safety concern — telling someone you won’t move forward could lead to emotional or even physical harm. Other times, it’s simpler: a bad date, an unexpected “ick” after scrolling someone’s social media, or realizing someone isn’t a good fit. In fact, a recent Forbes Health/OnePoll survey found that nearly half of respondents said they ghosted because their expectations for the relationship didn’t match the other person’s.1 Rather than face the discomfort of being honest, fear of hurting feelings, avoidant tendencies, or a lack of confrontation skills can lead some people to vanish without a word.
Ghosting can be harmful for all involved (except when it’s done for safety). For the person who ghosts, it can reinforce unhealthy communication patterns, stifle vulnerability, and create toxic relational habits — especially around conflict. For the person who is ghosted, it can bring confusion, lower self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and missed opportunities for growth that honest feedback might provide.
Even when it feels easier to disappear, the emotional toll of silence is often far greater than we expect, particularly in a dating culture that struggles with clarity, accountability, and emotional safety.
How to Approach Ghosting More Intentionally
Here’s how to navigate ghosting, whether you’re the one doing it or on the receiving end. Start by setting clear boundaries for your non-negotiables, and prepare a few gentle talking points (think of them as “get out of jail free” cards) to hold your boundaries respectfully. Being gentle yet firm usually hits the sweet spot, and laying out your expectations early can make ending things a little easier.
Dating can be a great place to practice healthy communication, work on conflict resolution, and advocate for yourself. Sometimes it’s as simple as saying “no thank you” when asked on a second date with someone you no longer want to see. But simple doesn’t always mean easy.
Rather than seeing dating solely as a search for “the right person,” it can also be a chance to strengthen honesty, boundaries, and emotional responsibility.
If You Tend to Be the One Who Ghosts
If you typically ghost, consider letting the other person know clearly that you’re not interested in moving forward. If someone is safely pursuing you, a simple text can be surprisingly meaningful for closure. Something like:
- “I had a great time, but I’m not interested in moving forward.”
No need for over-explaining, keep it short and to the point. Direct communication may feel uncomfortable, but it’s often a more compassionate and emotionally responsible choice.
If You’ve Been Ghosted
If you think you’ve been ghosted, consider sending a courtesy text to acknowledge their desire for space and not to move forward. This could look like:
- “I hope you’re well! I had a great time, thanks for the experience. We may not be on the same page with moving forward, but I respect your decision. Wishing you all the best.”
This can either open a healthy conversation or confirm that it’s time to step back for your own well-being.
It’s hard not to internalize being ghosted — I won’t tell you not to, but I encourage you not to let it define your worth. Instead, reflect on the positive relationships and experiences you’ve cultivated and try not to let a single experience determine your self-value.
A Final Reflection
Ghosting may be common in modern dating, but common doesn’t mean healthy. Navigating closure with intention, whether by communicating your own boundaries or coping with someone else’s silence, is an opportunity to strengthen your self-advocacy, emotional awareness, and ability to handle discomfort, honesty, and endings.
1Forbes Health. (2023). Survey reveals ghosting impacts 76% of people who are dating. Forbes Health. https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/modern-dating-mental-health/
